The Bob, Flower Power and Learning to love it

How it all happened: So finally, I decided to get a haircut. My hair were falling all over the place (a nightmare for our bai) and had turned dry and brittle. At times, frustrated, I wanted to shave them off and was only dissuaded by the fact that I’m a freak enough already. Anyway, off I went to this expensive “salon” for the haircut that would make heads turn…
When the stylist (couldn’t call her the parlourwali since she did some course in L’Oreal Paris) asked me if I’d like the ‘classic bob’ I didn’t think twice before consenting. I mean, Madame Beckham has it, Bipasha got it recently and according to my Sunday newspaper it is the “in” thing. For the next fifteen minutes I watched her chop long strands of my hair and tried not to cry. When it was done I suddenly realised that I was neither Posh nor Bips and neither did I have a posse of hairdressers to airbrush my hair every time I stepped out of the house. As she blow-dried my hair the haircut slowly came into being: my look had changed drastically and I wasn’t sure if I liked it. It wasn’t a bad haircut, it just wasn’t me!
Familia and the gang: Mom thought it looked great. Grandma thought I looked like a doll. Grandpa thought I looked younger. Dad thought it looked funny. Friends refused to say anything beyond, “You look so different”. Cousin thought I looked like a Hollywood actress of a bygone era. I thought I looked like Willy Wonka. Brother agreed but pointed out that he had longer hair.
Anger and Denial: I’ve had my share of disastrous haircuts (once a friend even remarked: What did you do to your hair?) but this would take months to grow! And as anybody who has just seen the face of adversity, I went into denial. This is just a bad dream, I told myself. I’m going to wake up with my tresses intact. Then came anger. Why couldn’t I have given it a second thought? Why, oh, why? But it was too late…
Fear: What will people think? That I’m a moron?
Acceptance: When there’s nothing you can do about something, you accept it. Yes, I had made a wrong choice. So what? I could always buy a nice hat and wear it until my hair grows back.
Learning to live with it: I have to live with it for the next few months. So I might as well learn to like it. What could be the upsides of the bob?
The bob has a long and fascinating history. It originated during the First World War when the womenfolk took to work in absence of the men who were at war. The bob was practical, easy to maintain and didn’t get in the way of work. And so it became the symbol of the liberated woman. Obviously, the men and the Church did not approve. You might not believe it, but I read somewhere that women wearing bobs were fired from work and were labelled as promiscuous. Times have changed now; the bob is more of fashion statement than a symbol of women’s lib. But I guess it is somewhat of a consolation to know that my disastrous haircut once represented “flower power”.
The next step to follow should be (ideally) learning to love it. I’ll come to it. As soon as I figure out how to flatten the Jimmy Hendrix-like halo of hair around my head.

Taps and Rains

Why should my taps run dry when it's pouring cats and dogs outside?

Pursuit of Happyness

“(…) We hold these truths to be self-evident, that all men are created equal, that they are endowed by their creator with certain unalienable rights, that among these are life, liberty and the PURSUIT OF HAPPINESS”. (The American Declaration of Independence)

I watched this weekend the wonderful Will Smith film – “Pursuit of Happyness”. (By the way, the wrong spelling is intentional). Will Smith’s character says this at some point in the film, “It was right then that I started thinking about Thomas Jefferson on the Declaration of Independence and the part about our right to life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness. And I remember thinking how did he know to put the pursuit part in there? That maybe happiness is something that we can only pursue and maybe we can actually never have it. No matter what. How did he know that?”

Happiness means different things to most of us. We all have our equations for it…
Good education = happiness
More money = happiness
Bigger house = happiness
Nicer car = happiness

The equations are endless… But are they correct?

People living in lesser developed countries tend to be happier than those living in the developed world. Why? Maybe less is more. Or simply because material things do not bring happiness. Not necessarily.

Think of Maslow’s pyramid. At the bottom is the man who just about manages to fulfil his basic needs of food, clothing and shelter. As he climbs up the social ladder, he tries to attain a comfortable standard of living. Once all his bodily needs are satisfied he longs for mental satisfaction, social recognition and happiness. So that’s when things get complicated… The more you have, the more you want! And the more you want, the more unhappy you are! As simple as that!

Gautam Buddha said that the root cause of suffering was ‘trishna’ or thirst. If we learnt to control our thirst or desire, we’d be a lot happier, he said.

Now, that brings me to another question: if we didn’t long for anything, what purpose would we give to our lives? Would it be wrong to be ambitious? Aren’t all great things a result of some longing, of some want? The answer I guess lies in finding a balance. As the Bhagvad Gita says, “do your ‘karma’ (i.e. whatever it is that you have to do) and don’t expect anything in return.” Now that is difficult, or rather impossible for mere mortals like us. The least we can do is not to let failure deter us from our pursuit of happiness…

Children's Rights

Since I haven’t found the right medicine for my blogstipation, here’s some information about child labour. Why child labour, you may ask?
Well, some days ago, I read about Mr. Kailash Satyarthi, a prominent children’s rights activist, in Alternatives Economiques (a French business magazine). He founded with the Bachpan Bachao Aandolan, an organisation dedicated “To identify, liberate, rehabilitate and educate children in servitude through direct intervention, child and community participation, coalition building, consumer action, promoting ethical trade practices and mass mobilisation.”
The BBA site allows one to ask Mr. Satyarthi questions. Here are the questions that I asked and the response that I got:

Q: Don’t children have to work because of poverty?
A: While it is undeniable that children work, in part, because of poverty it is not the only reason, or as important as many people assume. Children often replace adults in the job market, depressing their wages and hindering economic growth. In India, 60 million children are working while 70 million adults are unemployed. Recent studies have begun to question poverty as the major cause of child labour, discovering that other factors, such as failing education systems, are equally important in perpetuating child labour. Countries with very similar levels of poverty often have very different rates of child labour, on the other hand, a country that is much richer than its neighbouring country can have almost equal occurrence of child labour.
(Quite shocking, isn't it?)


Q: How will poor families survive without the additional income of the children?
A: Many studies show that children’s wages contribute so meagrely to the family’s income that they are of little significance to the overall family income. And, a large number of child labourers come from households where the parents are unemployed or under-employed, while employers give preference to children as a cheap source of labour. Moreover, it is precisely the vast number of children in the workforce that bring down adult’s wages, their bargaining power is reduced and they suffer from large-scale unemployment. The cost of children missing out on education is much greater to both the individual development of a child, as well as development of society as a whole. Evidence suggests that existing social norms, tradition, exclusion and discrimination of certain groups as well as a badly or ‘indifferently’ functioning educational system are the most important reasons why children are working and not attending school. It is the responsibilities of States and the international community to ensure that programmes are in place to mitigate the immediate negative impacts of the withdrawal of children from labour for poor families.


Q. How can I, as an individual, concretely contribute to the fight against child labour?
A.If you ever see a child working any where, raise voices against it. Do not take services food/tea etc from such restaurants, Dhaba', tea stall or canteen/houses who employ child labourers. Launch a written complaint about such acts to the nearest labor officer or police station.
You can also inform us about, and can join us in rescue and rehabilitation of that child.

Or you can also join other organizations and networks working against child labour.

Blogstipation

Blogstipation n. Not being able to come up with a post for your blog
Well, I'm pretty blogstipated at the moment. I didn't even come up with this word; it's borrowed from Rahul Khanna's blog. (Yes, yes, the very forgettable crossover actor. The blog is excellent though. Don't ask me where to find it, just google it.)

Being Agnostic Adj. & n. believing that nothing can be known about the existence of God

I am agnostic. My definition of agnosticism is slightly different from the one given above by the Oxford dictionary. I, at this point of time, cannot decide whether I believe in the existence of God or not. In the future, however, I do not rule out the possibility of turning theist or atheist.

All over the world, believers have the tendency to look down upon non-believers. In a survey held in the US, more than ninety percent people were ready to vote a woman, a black or a gay for President. But only one fourth would vote for an atheist. Non-believers are tagged as immoral or plain stupid. The aim of this post is to clear these misunderstandings about us.

Charge no.1: Atheists/Agnostics are egoistic people who find it below their dignity to accept the existence of a power superior to them. (This comes from a column in The Indian Express).

Not true. I understand that I am just an ordinary person out of the millions in this world and I realise the unimportance of my existence on this planet. So I personally don’t have a problem accepting that there is a power superior to me. In fact, it would be wonderful to feel protected and guided all through life. . (Though I do have a problem in accepting that all my actions and my destiny are being controlled by somebody else. What would be the point of our lives then?)

Charge no. 2: Agnostics/Atheists are stupid because how can one not believe in God? (This is usually accompanied by condescending lines like, “You are too young, you know. You’ll know better when you grow up.”

I won’t even bother answering this one.

Charge no. 3: Agnostics/Atheists are stupid because how can one not believe in God? The world is so beautiful and complex. It is even beyond the understanding of science. So God exists.

Huh? I mean, in pre-historic times, Man worshipped the forces of nature because he could not explain them. A lot of thing might be beyond our understanding today, but that hardly proves that God exists.

Charge no.4 (Levelled at agnostics by both theists and atheists): Are agnostics also agnostic about sunrise everyday (i.e. believe that sun may rise or may not)? (This too comes from the same column in The Indian Express)

Again a very fallacious argument. Sun has been rising every single day for as far as we know. Therefore, the probability of the sun rising tomorrow morning is extremely high. It would therefore be stupid to be agnostic about it.

Charge no. 5: Agnostics/Atheists are immoral because they have no fear of God.

If fear of God is the only thing keeping a person from being immoral, then such a person is a big hypocrite. (The omniscient God will see through this!) And then again, don’t we know people who behave immorally and then conduct poojas and visit temples to wash the sins off?
(What helps us choose between good and bad is our conscience.)

‘Believing’ in God is a question of ‘faith’. And ‘faith’ is often beyond ‘reason’. I, an agnostic, am caught between the two. Only time will tell if one of them is to win.

Guilty…

The other day, I was about to park my Scooty near a shop when a young man in his twenties almost blocked my way shouting, ‘Madam, madam!’ He was carrying a large handbag. An older woman (possibly his mother) stood near him, dressed in an old navwari sari. For a moment I was taken aback but I ignored them, parked my Scooty and walked into the shop. I wasn’t going to fall for this, I knew this trick. He’d say that he’d come to the city from some far-off village in search of work, hadn’t found any and had no money to go back home. Would I kindly help him? Fifty rupees? Twenty?

By the time I stepped out of the shop, the young man and his mother were gone. Almost relieved, I started off.

And then it crossed my mind; he was probably simply asking for directions… And I felt terribly guilty for not paying any attention to him.

L’oubli et les souvenirs de mon grand-père

Faut-il se méfier de l’oubli ? L’oubli qui nous arrache de notre passé et qui nous prive de nos souvenirs les plus beaux. Ou faut-il se réfugier là-dedans ? Dans l’oubli qui adouci les souvenirs les plus amers et qui guérit les blessures que laissent les séparations.

Aujourd’hui, il me reste très peu de souvenirs de mon grand-père. Il est mort il y a plus de dix ans. Pourtant, je l’ai beaucoup aimé. C’était mon meilleur ami. Il me reste très peu de souvenirs des après-midi que l’on a passé ensemble jouant je ne sais plus quoi. Je ne me souviens plus de la forme de ses mains. Je ne me souviens plus des airs qu’il jouait sur son harmonica. Je ne me souviens plus de l’histoire qu’il me racontait chaque nuit.

Certes, il me reste des photos. Grâce auxquelles je n’oublierai jamais son visage foncé et ses cheveux blancs comme la neige. Il me reste aussi ses clous, son tournevis et toutes ses affaires ; lui, qui aimait bricoler. Je n’ai pas encore oublié le timbre de sa voix. Je n’ai pas encore oublié les rêves que l’on a rêvés ensemble rentrant de l’école quand il venait me chercher.

Et puis, je n’ai pas oublié non plus le jour où on l’a trouvé allongé par terre dans sa chambre, des ronflements émanant de sa bouche. Il avait subit une crise cardiaque. Fatal. Pour la première fois, j’ai vu les adultes s’effondrer en larmes. Moi aussi, j’ai pleuré. J’ai pleuré toute la journée. Epuisée, je me suis dit « Ce n’est qu’un cauchemar. Ça va passer. » Mais c’était bien réel. Depuis, je n’ai pas revu mon grand-père.

J’ai peur qu’un jour l’oubli gagne sur les souvenirs de mon grand-père, qu’un jour, je perde un peu de ce qui me reste de mon enfance.

Resolutely Non-Resolutionary

We played this interesting game at the New Year’s party. Everyone has to write down their resolutions on a piece of paper without disclosing their identity. Somebody then reads out the resolutions one by one and the others have to guess to whom that particular resolution belongs. It’s quite hilarious especially if the resolutions are written with a touch of humour.

Since I was hosting the game, I didn’t have to write down any resolution. Good thing though since I don’t have any. To give a clichéd response, my resolution is not to make any resolution at all. Because, after all the resolutions are forgotten the very moment the New Year celebrations are over. In all of the documented human history nobody is known to have lasted for more that a week…

Well, but since we have already crossed the threshold of the New Year, one must make some resolutions if only to uphold an old tradition. In any case, it doesn’t matter how long you last.

So here goes –

1) I will cut down on eating outside.
2) I will cut down on unnecessary expenditure like CCD coffees and Pastry Corner’s rum balls.
3) I will go for walks and exercise every single day. (Ouch!)
4) I will study regularly. (Ouch! Ouch!)
5) I will attend college classes regularly. (Ouch! Ouch! Ouch! Someone make me stop!)
6) I will work for world peace and bring an end to American hegemony. (Don’t snicker. This resolution is not any more improbable than the five above)
7) And here’s one for the benefit of my dear (non-existent (sniff! sniff!)) reader – I will stop making idiotic posts such as this one.

Now that I have seven resolutions in place, I can now go about forgetting them conveniently; at least until the next New Year’s…

Angry and disgusted...

What a wonderful starting to the New Year! Two women were molested outside J W Marriott where they had attended the New Year bash, by a mob of forty to fifty people. Thankfully (and quite surprisingly, considering how apathetic we Indians are in public) someone called the police but by the time they arrived the women had been trapped in crowd of those lousy perverts for about 10-15 minutes! No complaint was lodged until today when a tabloid published pictures of the horrendous incident.

Mind you, this is not the first incident of its kind. Last year, on the New Year’s Eve, a girl was molested by a mob near the Gateway of India. A few boys were later arrested, but that’s about it.

What is this country coming to? Can’t women and girls walk on the roads without the fear of being groped by sick men?

The police has conveniently washed off its hands saying they did all that they could and this was just an isolated event. I wonder how many women were molested and hurt that night but went unnoticed by cameramen.

The moral brigade will probably shout from the rooftops about how the New Year’s celebrations are a part of the ‘western culture’ (and thus necessarily evil) and how it is corrupting our young generation. And, by the way, shouldn’t respectable women be at home at 1.30 pm?

Women’s associations will cry hoarse.

Women will have to think twice before going on a night out.

The papers and the news channels will hash the issue until we’re bored.

And finally, it will be forgotten. At least until the next New Year’s.

What can we do to stop such events? Who is to blame?

Is it the girl herself? Does she invite all the bad attention by dressing ‘skimpily’? I personally do think that one needs to dress carefully to avoid getting into negative situations. But then, one cannot justify a rape or molestation by putting the blame on the girl by saying that she was dressed provocatively or that she was present at the wrong place at the wrong time. Nothing can ever and I repeat, ever give a guy the right to invade a girl’s personal space.

Is it then the influence of the ‘western’ culture? It’s time we got out of the self-congratulatory mode and stopped proclaiming that ours is the greatest culture on the planet. Instead of playing the blame game, we need to identify the problems in our society and do something about it.

Or is it the guy? It’s tempting to say yes. But I think it is the upbringing that is responsible for such behaviour. I mean, if a guy has seen his father beating his mother and friends teasing girls passing by on the road, it is very unlikely that he shall develop respect for women when he grows up. So I think the only solution is to teach little boys to respect women and girls. Not to put them on the pedestal and worship them but, to recognise them as fellow human-beings and their equals. This might sound a little naïve, but sometimes the solutions to big problems are really quite simple. Or are they?

Adieu 2007!

You have been good to me…

You taught me that it’s ok to be confused and scared about where your life is going; eventually you do find the right way.

You showed me that nothing is impossible; no dream is too big, no goal is unachievable.

You taught me to be brave and to follow my heart; you risk nothing and you gain nothing.

You helped me understand that my family is my biggest strength; without their support and love, I wouldn’t have the courage to carry on.

You taught me not to take things for granted; hard work and perseverance are the only keys to success.

You have been really good to me… But it’s time to move on now. I only hope 2008 is as good to me as you were!


Welcome 2008!!!